No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
