I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize