Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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