if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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