I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
not ubering you a puppy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
