I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
