PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
