I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize