Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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