Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
