Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
