Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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