So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
