..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't turn off my feet"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
