One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
