Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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