ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
