The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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