is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
