Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize