I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize