I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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