My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
