Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
