Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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