if you like me you must not know who I am
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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