omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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