How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
