i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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