I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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