What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
