you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
