Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
