omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
