it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
