I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
