1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The power of my boobs compel you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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