I didn't shave. On purpose
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
