cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
