so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need a beard to bite.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
