Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mom said you looked used
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
