Houston, we have a blender
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
