he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
