If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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