Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
