We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
