Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
