Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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