Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
