capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
