i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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