I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
