I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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