make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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