i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
