The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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