my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
