So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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