found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I faked an abortion last night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
