there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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