I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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