How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize