matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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