ya dads aren't the best wingmen
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
