i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
