I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
