he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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