I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
