My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
