Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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