he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
