well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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