Only a mothe r could love this liver
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
