census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
