And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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