I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ruined the universe
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
