Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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