Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
