Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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