that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize