my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
