Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
