we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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