Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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