I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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