why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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