yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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