pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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