fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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