Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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