i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
