One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
