sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
