She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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