I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize