We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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