Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
