you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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