Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize