I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
