Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize