The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
