GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
