Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
