this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
