Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
