Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
