Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
