Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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