Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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