Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
